Jung, Meditation, American Artist, Lyme

"We know that something unknown, alien, does come our way, just as we know that we do not ourselves make a dream or an inspiration, but that it somehow arises of its own accord." - Carl Jung 

I absolutely love to meditate. I meditate to catch up with my visions and to receive more. I receive so many ideas when I meditate. So many of my ideas have come from "out of the blue" and I see at as the Grace of my Higher Power. 

I draw my visions. I have been drawing circles, crosses, and houses lately. He explains the language of the psyche, the inner world, as it takes the form of circles and opposites to form grace. Jung states, "This takes the form of circular symbols of unity which represent a synthesis of the opposites within the psyche." 

When the circle is created and worked with as a wellness symbol of centeredness and oneness, as it is in many religions and ceremonial spaces, even in shrines in Japan, Jung concludes that when we feel a union of opposites, we feel grace, "Then only is it convincing. It is felt as 'grace.' Since the solution proceeds out of the confrontation and clash of opposites, it is usually an unfathomable mixture of conscious and unconscious factors, and therefore a symbol, a coin split into two halves which fit together precisely." 

I have drawn symbols my entire life as they keep me sane, centered, and grounded throughout my challenges. The circles and symbols have guided me to my next meeting with new people and places. I used the symbols in my paintings as a way to communicate my ideas about the dragon lines. Grace always expresses as circles and the cross. Jung states, "I am thinking here of the simplest basic form of the mandala, the circle, and the simplest (mental) division of the circle, the quadrant or, as the case may be, the cross." 

I have always been guided and I have always figured out a way to face and have victory over my challenges. Living a creative life, the inner muse usually directs my path. As Jung wrote, "A creative person has little power over his own life. He is not free. He is captive and driven by his daimon."

Well, here is a little about my creative path. I am 47 years old and I wish that I could be paid for meditating as my job. Too bad, I live in America and there is no such job as sitting and just being, not doing something constantly. Or if you have figured out how to be paid for meditating? Let me know. Meditation teachers..I guess..but how much money would it take to pay to be a meditation teacher? 

Welcome to the American dream, American mind. I always have to think about a way to make money because "time is money" here and no one is paying for me! I have had to work at school, I have a Master's degree and I had to achieve a 3.0 GPA or higher to receive my grants. I achieved a 4.0 GPA! 

Anyway, so back to typing about what I love. Here is the thing, I have to make money and doing what I love for money? I love Astrology and I started Green Dragon Astrology business that made a few dollars. I saw a few clients, most of them never paid me fairly or at all. I had an interview about Sidereal and Ophiuchus and that was that. The universe gave me a book to write. So I wrote Dragons of the Stone Circle. I have to follow my inner muse. I wrote Dragons of the Stone Circle to communicate my love for my school, Convent of the Sacred Heart in Greenwich, CT and to share with my nieces, the brilliance of talent that we have in our family, as I was faced with my mortality. I also wanted to give my mom a way to give to her grandchildren, and share with them her talents before she passes. Mission accomplished! The dragons showed me the way, inspired my writing, gave me a gift to give to the world, my nieces, my mom, and the dragon community. 

As Jung wrote, "I had to obey an inner law which was imposed on me and left me no freedom of choice."

To purchase Dragons of the Stone Circle book US

To purchase Dragons of the Stone Circle book UK

So this dream of doing what you love and the money will follow has not happened to me, yet! I taught multimedia courses at a college and then was bitten by a tick in Hilton Head, South Carolina. I almost died in 2017 of starvation. 

I, unfortunately got Lyme disease from that tick bite, lost my job, and I have been home bound ever since. It has been 7 years now with a new lifestyle of taking herbs, staying close to home, operating on the computer only, and caregiving for my elder mom. I finally am able to function on the computer to write this. I spoke into the iPhone in order to type my book Dragons of the Stone Circle because I was that sick. 

I don't know how long I will live, honestly. I was denied disability twice and the government has not helped me out at all. During the application process, they made a mistake and instead of keeping my weight at 115 lbs (for 5'7") they changed it to 200 lbs, and denied me because I wasn't blind. Meanwhile, I was so fatigued breathing was difficult until about 6 months ago, 2025. 

I didn't receive any unemployment either. I was denied Health Insurance and Medicaid in Florida. I live off my mom's Social Security check and manage all of our debt daily. 

So when I meditate, it is my opportunity to close my eyes from the reality and turn into my inner reality. I meditate on unity consciousness and draw drawings of houses. I never had a house growing up, we lived in an apartment, so I am obsessed with drawing houses, houses that my inner teenager wishes I lived in. 

The education system failed to support me financially. I worked as an adjunct professor that did not pay enough for me to have my own apartment or room, I could not pay off my student loan debt either. Then, when I was offered a full-time faculty position, I was too sick to accept. I could not get out of bed. Even if I did take the job, school shootings were terrorizing and I did not want to be in the terror. This was right before Covid pandemic and I am glad I left. That would have been horrible to work as a professor during that time. I am so grateful! Om Shanti! 

So since then, I have applied for remote creative writing jobs, remote math tutor jobs, remote teach AI jobs, and I have not been hired. 

You can look at my CV on the "menu" and see all my accomplishments, but my thesis was not credited for creating the Synesthesia, Play A Kandinsky Google Arts project which I created. There was nothing on the web like this before my project, 2015, and they created it in 2022, and a French man used the exact quotes from my thesis. I was a genius! I created something new!! Staying grateful! I am grateful someone else valued my work!  I remember how I discovered putting all of that together.  <MY MFA THESIS> 

My Raspberry Pi computer that I created out of a wine box...I donated to Haiti...an MIT friend who was Haitian told me he would bring it to Haiti as an example of a solar powered $35 computer that they could make. 

Well, with very little amount of health, I healed with herbs in my kitchen by myself. I decided to serve my mom, as a caregiver, no pay, just free "room and board" and help us write a beautiful gift for the grandchildren! I did! 

There was no where to serve in America, so I turned to the UK to serve. I started a Starseed Book Club Facebook Group and we did the Spine of Albion Adventure! I joined Elen and her Silver Wheel group and helped to evolve us into the Zoom world. I helped many women in the UK start spiritual businesses! 

In America, I helped many people with their dreams, like a dream doula, I listened and held space as Pete Van Leeuwen shared his vision with me to start an ice cream store and he did! Van Leeuwen ice cream was born! 

I talked with Jerry from Ben and Jerry's and told him my favorite flavors as we chatted solo in a booth at the Greenwich store. Just me and Jerry:) 

In Palm Beach when I lived on the island, I cheered Melanie Charlton on, when she shared her vision of wanting to create her custom closet project, Closette, and ran over a few ideas with Tara Subkoff when she mentioned her vision. 

I love America because we support each other. My sister has helped me financially. I am so grateful for her support, whatever she contributed. That is all. I have no other family or friends helping me. I do all of it by myself. So in order to serve in the health condition I am in, I take care of elder mom's medicare, medicine, doctors, online bills, HOA payments, debt management etc.  It kept me busy. Now, I need to work and be paid for my service. I don't get paid to take care of my mom in the state of Florida, only for Medicaid and my mom is wealthier than poverty, Medicaid income.  

When I have free time, I blog here or help my mom publish her book, Jackson and Hanna, to read Jackson and Hanna and support my mom: https://a.co/d/05H5JcIi

So I am editing and publishing books on Amazon to try to earn money. 

I am going to hire a Lyme disability lawyer and explain how I had to work in an office at Florida Atlantic University that had formaldehyde in it, it was a biology lab before it turned into the multimedia equipment room. I got sick from that. I did Medical Medium's protocols to survive tick-borne Lyme, mold toxicity from my mom's house that I sold, and formaldehyde exposure. 

I suffered a nervous breakdown after the formaldehyde exposure and I  still managed to do my thesis presentation for my iPhone app and graduate with a Master's degree. I barely made it. My brain is healing finally and so I can finally, after 8 years communicate the injustices that I have survived and forgive. 

The professor was kicking chairs and I almost had to call security to protect myself from the assaults. I am so glad I survived Florida Atlantic University. They kept making courses so I couldn't graduate and my friends didn't. They were failed because there was a miscommunication between "remote and in-person exams" protocol. It was very unfortunate. 

I was never able to hire a lawyer on my own, I received a disability lawyer and a government doctor. The government doctor signed off on the fact that I was disabled because of my extreme fatigue and lack of mobility, starvation, and brain fog. My lawyer did not accept the doctor's document, so he asked me to go to more doctors, but because I had no income, I could not. So I had to cancel the lawyer and not apply for disability for the second time.

My neighbor, Donald Trump, was discussing a deal to buy antiques from my step father in Palm Beach, and remember thinking that I wanted to go into business. Then, outside the antique shop, Rod Stewart told me to "stay in school" so at the same time, I thought, maybe I can't make a living from my art. He was right. I sold a few paintings but only to a few friends. I was delusional thinking I could sell my paintings like antiques. I think Rod made that comment to me because I was in my high school uniform. 

At that moment, I realized that I better stay in school, so I did, for too long! I went to 7 colleges! I have so much student debt, I finally earned my Master's degree to teach art! That is all I wanted to do! I studied art in Santa Fe, New Mexico and grew up in the 1990's New York City Art World. But when I got my degree and my first teaching job, I had to resign because of Lyme disease and I was terrified of school shootings. I had to practice what it would be like if a shooter entered the classroom. I never applied for a college job again. 

So when I practice meditation, it is pure medicine. I am one with the ashram in SoHo, South of Houston, New York in 1970's with Bhagawan Nityananda and Rudi Rudrananda. Carl Jung wrote, "My self retires into meditation and meditates my earthly form. To put it another way: it assumes human shape in order to enter three-dimensional existence, as if someone were putting on a diver’s suit in order to dive into the sea."

I might be leaving the planet soon, I don't know. If I do, I have achieved oneness with the Blue Pearl, if I don't I want to help Anna Chaplaincy grow in the UK to help elders, like I helped my mom. I was an example for Americans, how to take care of their mothers. I kept my mom home and help her daily. I am not putting her in a home. I hope other Americans will have the same values one day. I don't have retirement, savings, a job, income, a family, a husband, children, a career, etc. I love the dragons and the dragon energy grids! 

The more I entertain the dragons in my meditations, the more I am dreaming of dragons, as Jung says, "It may even be assumed that just as the unconscious affects us, so the increase in our consciousness affects the unconscious."

So whomever is reading this, I hope you take care of your parents, your elders, your values, give to Anna Chaplaincy, watch other people's nervous systems break down, and enjoy meditation. Jung says, "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being."

Because I coded the internet in order to create TIME to Meditate and it turns out I have to spend  more time on the computer. I am not a robot, I am a yogini. I agree with Carl Jung, "Like the magic lantern, the yogi’s meditation 'projects' my empirical reality."

I am living my destiny. Jung says, "A destiny which will brook no human intervention."

With love and forgiveness, 

ANNA TORLEN 

If you feel moved to donate while I apply for remote jobs and work my Debtor's Anonymous program to increase my income: 

Venmo @Anna-Torlen 

 https://venmo.com/u/Anna-Torlen